


I Know Him

by molstrom



Series: Wait For It [2]
Category: Sons of Anarchy, Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:07:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26984149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/molstrom/pseuds/molstrom
Summary: Set 3.5 years after "Helpless". Veronica is at Stanford. I know I tagged both Norris and Juice, but they are one and the same.
Relationships: Cindy "Mac" Mackenzie & Veronica Mars, Dick Casablancas & Veronica Mars, Norris Clayton/Veronica Mars, Veronica Mars/Juice Ortiz
Series: Wait For It [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1968967
Kudos: 9





	1. One

When I started at Stanford I decided to give up being a private investigator and lead a normal university life, so I have a job that doesn’t involve following people around and solving cases. I also became friends with my roommate, and together with some of our other girlfriends, we have taken a trip across the bridge to Oakland to go to a club to celebrate her twenty-first birthday.

We had been there for about an hour, drinking and dancing when a group of tattooed guys in leather vests walks in. My roommate, Katy, puts her mouth against my ear and says:  
“Holy damn.”  
“Any of them in particular, or do you just want them to run a train on you?”  
“You think they would?”  
“Jesus Christ, Katy!”  
“Oh. You were being sarcastic.”  
“Of course I was being sarcastic. For fuck’s sake.”  
“That blonde and the Latino guy though…Jesus.”  
“Katy…You’re drooling on my ear.”

As I gently scold her I look at the guys she was talking about…The blonde is gorgeous…nice body, swagger, jaw-length hair…yup, he would do nicely to end this seemingly never-ending dry spell. The Latino though…aside from the mostly shaved tattooed head and the tattoos on his arms, he looks very familiar…but I can’t figure out why.

“You’re staring, V.”  
“I think I know him.”  
“Which one?”  
“The Latino.”  
“So introduce us.”  
“That’s the problem. I think I recognize him, but I can’t place him.”  
“Weird. Come have another drink.”  
“That’s always your solution!”  
“More booze, Veronica…More booze.”

As we’re at our table with the other girls doing shots, ‘Wannabe’ comes on.  
“Okay, which one of you bitches requested Spice Girls?”  
“Come on, Veronica…You were on pep squad, you can dance to Spice Girls.”  
“I hate you, Katy.”

They drag me onto the dance floor with them, Katy saying:  
“Come on, Mars! You promised…it’s my birthday.”  
“You are so lucky I love you.”

We dance to ‘Wannabe’, laughing the whole time. When the next song comes on, I say:  
“I need to pee. I’ll be back.”

I’m shocked when there’s no line for the bathroom, and I get to go straight in. Someone follows me in and locks the door before turning me around and pushing me into the wall, his forearm against my collarbone. It’s the somewhat familiar Latino guy.  
“Did my parents send you?”  
“I don’t even know who the fuck you are. Let me go.”  
“You’re Veronica Mars. My parents didn’t send you?”  
“I don’t know who you are. Should I?”  
“Wow…I guess I really was invisible to you. Good.”

He lets me go and walks out of the bathroom. I whisper to myself:  
“It can’t be Norris. He wouldn’t have acted like that with you. Get a grip, V.”

I use the bathroom and take a minute to collect myself…It’s been a while since I’ve been randomly attacked, I’m not used to it anymore.

When I get back to the table, Katy says:  
“V? Are you okay?”  
“No.”  
“More booze?”  
“Home?”  
“But Dick is coming to meet us, and he’s not here yet.”  
“Fine. More booze. Make it something good and strong though.”

Katy goes and fetches us shots and once we’ve done them, she says:  
“Come dance with me?”  
“In a few minutes. I just need to decompress.”  
She wanders onto the dance floor to dance with the other girls and I sit at the table watching them. 

Someone touches my shoulder and I jump. The blonde takes his hand off of me and says:  
“I didn’t mean to scare you. Why aren’t you dancing with your friends?”  
“Why don’t you ask your friend?”  
“He’s not the most forthcoming individual.”  
“Ah. Well, neither am I. If you’re looking for a drunk college girl to go home with you, the blonde in the green dress would jump at the opportunity. While you’re over there with her, tell her I went home.”

I stand up and grab my purse, waving to the girls as I do. I walk out of the club and call for a taxi. While I’m waiting, I dial Parker and Mac’s number. Their voicemail picks up, so I leave a message:  
“Hey, guys…you must be out. I just needed to hear your voices. Had a rough encounter…It’s been a while since I was randomly attacked and I’m having a bit of a Mercer flashback. I love you, I miss you. I’ll call tomorrow…yes, Mac…I’ll be fine.”

I hang up and look at the blonde leaning against the wall nearby and say:  
“What do you want?”  
“I’m just making sure you get your cab safely.”  
“I don’t need a bodyguard. Thanks. Go away.”  
“Why are you being difficult?”  
“People have been asking me that my whole life. Go away.”  
“I’m not leaving you alone out here.”  
“Why? Why do you care?”  
“You’re drunk and tiny. Someone could hurt you.”  
“I can handle myself.”  
“I’m not leaving until you are safely in a cab.”  
“I don’t know you. You standing there doesn’t make me feel safer.”

He steps closer to me and holds his hand out for me to shake before saying:  
“I’m Jax. I live in Charming. I’m thirty. I have a crazy ex-wife who is due with a boy any day now. My mother is overbearing and psychotic, but thanks to her constantly drilling things into my head, I feel the need to protect little girls standing alone in the dark.”  
“Veronica.”  
“That’s it? That’s all I get?”  
“Yes.”

I hear Dick’s voice from the front of the club yell:  
“Ronnie?!”  
“Over here!”  
He walks around the corner of the building with Mac on his heels. I bypass him and hug Mac and say:  
“When you get home, you’ll hear a really pathetic message from me…ignore it.”  
“Are you okay, Bond?”  
“I’m fine, Q…Just an issue with a random guy…had a bit of a Mercer flashback.”  
“You going home?”  
“Yeah…I’m done.”  
“We just got here. Come inside and dance with us for a while. No-one’s going to touch you with this idiot hanging over you.”  
“You’re going to try to peer-pressure me?”  
“Normal university experience, remember?”  
“I hate you.”  
“You love us…Dick! Bring this woman back into the club.”  
“Richard Casablancas, you lay one finger on me and I will remove your favourite body part.”  
“So violent, Ronnie.”  
“I just want to go home.”  
“But…we came all this way.”  
“Katy and the girls are still inside. Make sure they get home safe.”  
“Hey…Which one of us has to sleep on the couch tonight?”  
“Play ‘rock, paper, scissors’ Dick. I don’t care…But Richard…You will not climb into my bed naked. I don’t care if that’s how you normally sleep. I have been traumatized enough by Casablancas cock in my life.”

Mac laughs and says:  
“Preach, sister. I feel that.”  
“Yeah, but your trauma involved slightly less cock than my rape.”  
“Fair and valid point.”  
“Go drink and dance. I’ll see you at home later.”  
“You’re sure you’re good?”  
“Peachy…Do me a favour and stay away from the Latino in the biker cut. He looks familiar, but I can’t place him. He’s the one who attacked me in the bathroom. Keep Dick away too.”  
“And if I figure out who he is?”  
“Keep it to yourself, Mackie. I do not care.”

I look at Dick and say:  
“Take care of my girls, Dick.”  
“Yes, ma’am.”

As they walk away, my phone rings.  
“Hello?”  
“This is an automated message to advise you that due to an extended wait time your taxi has been cancelled.”  
I hang up and mutter:  
“Shit.”

The guy — Jax — walks over and says:  
“Cancelled your taxi, huh?”  
“Yeah.”  
“How are you going to get home?”  
“I’m working up the nerve to call my ex.”  
“Do you think he’ll say no?”  
“No. He’ll say yes…He’ll just want sex in return and I’m not…Nevermind.”  
“Come on. I’ll take you.”  
“You must be out of your goddamn mind if you think I’m getting in or on a vehicle with you. I don’t know you!”

My phone rings again and I answer it on speaker:  
“Hello?”  
“Hey V. I’m in Oakland for a job, and wanted to see you.”  
“Thank god…Weevil, you wonderful, wonderful man. I’m actually at a club and I need to go home. They just cancelled my taxi on me.”  
“Which club?”  
“The One-Niner.”  
“Uh…V?”  
“I’m in the parking lot. I’ll walk down the street to meet you. You could just take your cut off…Please?”  
“Fine, but if I get shot, this is the last favour I ever do for you.”  
“You are my favourite biker in the whole world.”  
“You’re lucky I love you, Mars. Meet me at the corner.”  
I hang up and start walking towards the corner. 

I realize about halfway across the parking lot that Jax is following me.  
“I don’t need you to follow me.”  
“The guy picking you up…Is he a Mayan?”  
“Yeah.”  
“The Mayans are dangerous.”  
“And the Sons aren’t? Bullshit, Mr. Vice President.”  
“The Mayans run drugs.”  
“The Sons run guns for the IRA.”  
“How do you know that?”  
“My ex is an FBI agent. He thought talking about you guys made him sound important.”  
“And did it?”  
“No. But it kept him occupied enough to not notice that I was refusing to fuck him.”

As I get to the corner, Weevil pulls up. He hands me his helmet and I get on.  
“Let’s get out of here before my love for you gets me killed.”  
“Sounds good to me. You’re a good egg, Navarro.”  
“Less time with Katy, I think.”  
“Shut up, Weevs.”

Weevil takes me home and hangs out for a little bit. When Dick gets back with the girls, we’re sitting on the couch watching Casablanca. Dick looks at the screen and says:  
“Seriously?”  
“It was on and I can’t find the remote. Don’t judge us.”

As Dick is trying to convince Katy to go to bed — alone, and Mac is climbing into my bed, Weevil’s phone rings. He answers it.  
“Hey, boss.”  
…  
“What? No. I picked Veronica up.”  
…  
“Hang on. I’ll give you to V.”  
He passes the phone to me and I say:  
“Hi, Marcus.”  
“Hello, sweetheart. Why is Jax Teller calling me and telling me that Weevil picked his girl up tonight?”  
“I’m sorry? He referred to me as his girl? Oh, hell no. I spoke to him for five fucking minutes. I am not his girl.”  
“That’s what I thought. That’s why it threw me so much.”  
“I will deal with this. Thanks for letting me know.”  
“Don’t kill the VP of SAMCRO, Veronica.”  
“I make no promises.”  
Weevil takes the phone back and says:  
“I’m leaving Stanford now. I’ll be back soon.”  
Then he hangs up and kisses my cheek before standing up to leave.

I look at him and say:  
“Thank you for the rescue, Weevil.”  
“Anytime, V.”

I get up and get ready for bed before climbing in next to Mac. She’s next to the wall and I lie down curled up against her knowing that despite his earlier statement of sleeping on the couch, Dick will end up in bed with us. Sure enough, as my eyes close he climbs in next to me, pulling my face into his chest and kissing the top of my head.


	2. Two

In the morning, I carefully climb out of the pile of puppies my bed has become — at some point in the night, Katy has joined us. I walk over to my closet and pull out an outfit —low rise jeans and a halter top, and head to the bathroom to shower. 

After my shower I get dressed and braid my long hair in one large braid over one shoulder, showing off a tattoo of a throwing star I got when I was seventeen. I leave a note for the sleeping people about needing to go to the library, and I leave the apartment. 

I drive the ninety minutes to Charming and make my way to Teller-Morrow Automotive. When I get there, I park the car and get out. There’s a group of guys sitting and standing around a picnic table, so I make my way over there. 

As I get closer, I see Jax notice me. He licks his lips and stands up to walk over to me. When he gets close enough, I reach out and slap him hard enough that my hand stings.  
“What the fuck were you trying to do? Get my best friend killed by his president? I am not your girl, you fucking jackass.”  
“Made you show up here. How’d he talk himself out of it?”  
“He didn’t. Marcus is fond of me. I explained that clearly, you’re fucking insane.”  
“You know the president of the Mayans well enough to refer to him as Marcus?”  
“I babysit his kids. My scholarship only covers tuition, fees, and books and a girl’s gotta eat…So babysitting it is.”  
“That’s not safe.”  
“Why?”  
“His house isn’t safe.”  
“I babysit them at my apartment.”  
“Which university do you go to?”  
“Stanford.”  
“You have a full-ride scholarship to Stanford?”  
“Yeah. All the way through the end of Law school. It was only a four-year scholarship, but after an internship at the FBI, I got more money.”  
“That’s really impressive.”  
“Why? Because I look like a dumb blonde?”  
“No, overly sensitive. Because it’s fucking hard enough to get into Stanford, let alone getting a fucking scholarship.”  
“Yeah, well…I work hard.”

Before he can say anything else, my phone rings.  
“Hey, Dad.”  
“Number one daughter, you haven’t heard from Norris recently have you?”  
“Why would I?”  
“There was a time you loved each other.”  
“No. I thought we loved each other, but he said he never loved me. It was just easy to make me believe he did.”  
“Yeah, that’s fucking horseshit.”  
“Whether it is or isn’t, I haven’t seen or spoken to him since that day. You know he left.”  
“Yeah…Leaving you to go through a miscarriage on your own.”  
“Most women go through miscarriages on their own, Daddy…Especially when someone tries to kill them when they’re pregnant.”  
“Yeah, well…His parents are looking for him, so if by chance he reaches out, can you let me know?”  
“Sure.”  
“Are you okay, kiddo?”  
“Five by five, Daddy.”  
“I hate it when you say that.”  
“Faith was the best slayer. Just go with it.”  
“Unpopular opinion or what?”  
“She was way more of a badass than Buffy…Also, kind of crazy, and way hotter.”  
“I’m going to ask Mac’s opinion.”  
“Go ahead. When I last saw Mac she was in bed with Dick and Katy…They probably aren’t awake yet.”  
“Dick will be.”  
“He was the only sober one in the bunch.”  
“No-one expected Dick Casablancas to be a responsible adult.”  
“Finding out what Cassidy did, especially what Cassidy did to me…and then the Hearst rapist stuff and Mercer attacking me…Dick grew up, got protective.”  
“Yes, he did. I’m going to call him. Call me if you hear from Norris.”  
“Sure, Dad.”  
I hang up and look at Jax.

I say:  
“Just to be clear…I’m not your girl, nor will I be your girl. Don’t interfere with my best friend’s life again.”

I turn around and face the man who I am now certain is Norris and say:  
“Get a fucking burner phone and call your mother before she decides to call me. I can’t…”

I shake my head and walk back to my car. Before I can open the door, a hand reaches out and holds it shut while other fingers trace the tattoo on my shoulder blade.  
“Don’t fucking touch me.”  
“You got a tattoo for me.”  
“I got a tattoo for the child I lost. A reminder of her father was the best I could do.”  
“How did you lose the baby?”  
“What the fuck do you care? You told me that you never loved me. That you just made me believe it. Then you left. So what the fuck do you care?”  
“You know I didn’t mean that.”  
“I have no idea what you meant and what you didn’t. Get away from me.”  
“Veronica…”  
“Unless you want me to call Dad back and tell him exactly where to find you, I suggest you get the fuck away from me.”  
“How did you lose the baby?”  
“I lost her when Aaron Echolls tried to kill me. The doctors weren’t sure what caused the miscarriage…The initial car accident, him kicking me in the stomach repeatedly, or smoke inhalation from when he locked me in a chest freezer and set the surrounding things on fire.”  
“Why didn’t you tell me?”  
“Are you fucking kidding me? I’m done with this conversation.”

I reach in my purse and pull out Mr. Sparky and taze Norris, giving me a chance to get in the car. Once I’m inside I lock the doors and start to cry as I drive away. 

When I get back to the apartment, everyone is gone. There’s a note from Dick that says:  
‘We’re at fisherman’s wharf. We’ll be back later. You want to talk about seeing Norris last night? -D.’

I tear apart the living room to find the TV remote and then clean the living room before lying down on the couch. I lie there, staring at the ceiling for a while before there’s a knock on the door. I stand up and go to answer it.

When I open the door, Norris is standing there.  
“It’s Juice now, by the way.”  
“Okay. Why do I need to know your name?”  
“So you know what to scream when I make you come.”  
“That’s very presumptuous.”

He puts his hand on the back of my neck and pulls me to him before kissing me. I whimper against his mouth and put my hand on his chest, intending to push him away, but my fingers bunch around his shirt instead, pulling him closer to me and into the apartment before closing the door behind him.

I open my fingers and release his shirt before pushing him away from me. I hold my hand up so he doesn’t approach me, and say:  
“Why are you here?”  
“Because I love you.”  
“We haven’t been near each other in three and a half years. The last time we saw each other you told me that you never loved me. It took me a year to trust someone enough to let them love me. You fucking broke me.”  
“I’m so sorry, Veronica. I was scared that I was going to hurt you. I thought Mom was right. I was afraid of losing control and hurting you. All I wanted to do was protect you. I said what I needed to in order to get you to leave. I didn’t mean it.”  
“I don’t believe you.”  
“Look at me. Look at my eyes.”  
“No. You broke me all those years ago, and then you left. I was grieving for you, and then I found out I was pregnant…and I was happy about it because it was part of you…But then I lost the baby and I grieved that loss alone while my Dad was in the hospital after Aaron almost killed him.”  
“Veronica…Let me hold you. Please.”  
“No. You need to go.”  
“I don’t want to leave you.”  
“I need you to go…Norris…Juice. Whatever the fuck your name is now. Just go. Leave me alone.”  
“Veronica…”  
“Please…I can’t…This hurts. Maybe eventually, but…I can’t.”  
“You kissed me back.”  
“Because I love you! I’ve always loved you. But I need you to go. Please.”

He starts moving towards me, taking my hand in his when he gets close enough.  
“You don’t really want me to leave.”  
“I don’t want you to. I need you to. I can’t do this…please.”  
He moves closer to me and wraps his arm around my waist before he pulls me close to him and nuzzles into my neck.  
“Juice…stop. Please. I told you, I need you to go. Please.”  
He kisses my neck before gently biting my earlobe.  
“You want me. I can tell. Let me love you.”

I hear the door open as I say:  
“Whether I want you or not is not the question here. I’m saying you need to stop. You need to go. Please don’t do this. Please go.”  
“I’m not leaving. Stop trying to make me leave. I made that mistake once before. I’m not leaving you.”

I start crying as I try to push him away.  
“Please…Please go.”  
“No.”

Suddenly he’s being pulled back away from me and moved across the room. As Marcus releases him, he says:  
“Juice…kid. Look at her and tell me honestly that you think what you were just doing was okay.”  
“What the fuck are you doing here, Alvarez?”  
“Veronica is a friend. I came to check on her. I wanted to make sure fucking Leo hadn’t shown up since he’s back in town…But instead, I find you, refusing to leave and making my girl cry.”  
Juice looks at me and says:  
“Leo? Like the deputy?”  
“He’s FBI now. We dated for a bit when I started here.”  
“And he’s referred to as ‘fucking Leo’…why?”  
“For reasons that are none of your business. Please leave.”

I look at Marcus and say:  
“Jax told me today that your house isn’t safe. Made me think your address has been compromised. Obviously, mine has. The kids aren’t safe here anymore, not with the Sons knowing where I live.”  
“We’ll figure it out, sweetheart.”


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger Warning*** Pregnancy loss/child loss. This was a tough chapter to write, so I wanted to warn you ahead of time. If you don't want to read all of the details, I'll have a short version in the end notes

Juice says:  
“Veronica, we’d never do anything that would risk hurting you, or kids.”  
“Weren’t you told to leave?”  
“Please don’t make me leave.”  
“I need you to go. You broke my heart years ago and the first time I saw you after that was you slamming me into a bathroom wall at a fucking club. I just need time.”  
“Can I see you tomorrow?”  
“No. I know where to find you, Juice. Please just leave it up to me.”  
“Okay…I do love you, Veronica.”  
“You don’t even know me anymore. Go away.”

He leaves and Marcus closes the door behind him. We sit on the couch quietly for a bit before Marcus says:  
“Have you considered going back to Neptune?”  
“No.”  
“Are you going to stay here through law school? I know your original plan was to go to Columbia.”  
“I don’t know, Marcus.”  
“You going to go to him?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“My normally extremely decisive girl is a little indecisive today.”  
“Yeah…I’m feeling off today.”  
“Understandable. Why don’t you take a break? I’ll give Eli some time off, you and he can go for a ride up the coast.”  
“No. Thanks, Marcus, but I have a huge paper due next week. I’ve got to make a dent in it today.”  
“Okay, but my darling…”  
“Yeah?”  
“Life doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints. It takes from everyone. I know he hurt you, and I know he wasn’t there when you lost the baby, but sweetheart…He just found out that he would have been a father. That the woman he loved was pregnant and lost the baby while he wasn’t there.”  
“I didn’t think about that…Jesus.”  
“I think you should go to him. Leave your paper for tomorrow.”  
“Yeah. You’re right.”  
He leans over and kisses my cheek before standing up and leaving the apartment.

I stand up and go into my room, dragging my desk chair over to the closet so I can reach the back of the top shelf. I pull down the shoebox I have there and go sit on the bed with it. 

When I open the box, I find the pictures Dad took of me during the three months we knew I was pregnant — including one of me holding a sign that said ’25 weeks!’ from the morning of the day I lost her, the ultrasound picture from my last appointment at twenty-two weeks, my hospital bracelet, Angelica’s birth certificate, her death certificate, and the couple of pictures that were taken of her in the hospital. There’s also an up-close picture of my tattoo, including the initials in the middle of the throwing star, which I don’t think Juice noticed: ‘A.L.C.’ — Angelica Lianne Clayton.

I put everything back in the box and take it with me when I leave the apartment again, driving back to Charming. 

When I pull into the lot at Teller-Morrow, the guys are all on their bikes getting ready to leave. Jax looks at me and loudly says:  
“Juice…we don’t need you for this.”  
All the guys but Juice pull away and I walk over to him.  
“I thought you needed time.”  
“Yeah, but then Marcus reminded me that life doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints, it takes from everybody. He pointed out that while I’m understandably upset that you weren’t there when I lost her, that I’ve had some time to come to terms with that, to grieve for her…but you haven’t. You just found out. I brought all the momentos I have of her…If you’re interested.”  
“Of course I am. Let’s go inside.”

He gets off his bike and puts his helmet down before taking my hand and leading me into the clubhouse. We sit down at a table in the corner and I hold onto the box and say:  
“Before you look at this, you need to know…it wasn’t a simple miscarriage. I was 25 weeks pregnant, so what happened is technically considered to be a stillbirth of a preterm baby. She looked like a baby…Just smaller…She was so tiny. When Dad managed to get me out of the freezer, he almost died. I was having contractions and I was bleeding heavily. I got us both out of the fire and when the ambulances got there, Dad went in one, and I had to go in the other. Sheriff Lamb came with me. He didn’t want me to be alone when I lost her.”

I reach out and take his hand, squeezing slightly before continuing:  
“When I got to the hospital, they connected me to oxygen and a fetal heart monitor…They couldn’t pick up a heart rate, so they tried a sub-vaginal monitor…there was no heartbeat. They gave me drugs to speed up the labour and then told me she was gone, but that I still had to deliver her. Lamb stayed with me the whole time, holding my hand and crying with me when she was eventually born and it was just silent in the room.”

I wipe my tears away and say:  
“I got to hold her…she was perfect. She would have been gorgeous. I named her Angelica Lianne Clayton.”

“So you were pregnant the day we had the fight?”  
“Yeah…about twelve weeks.”  
“Did you know?”  
“No. I would have told you.”

I open the box and hand him the stack of pictures of me when I was pregnant. He flips through them, and when he gets to the one saying ’25 weeks’ I say:  
“I lost her later that day.”

Next, I hand him the ultrasound from 22 weeks and he starts crying. I hand him the pictures we took of her in the hospital next, and then I stand up and move around the table so I can wrap my arms around him.  
“God…Veronica. She was beautiful.”  
“Yeah…Our genes did good.”

I reach into the box and pull out her birth and death certificates.  
“You listed me as her father.”  
“Of course I did. She was yours. I loved that she was yours.”  
“Where is she buried?”  
“Neptune…When Lamb died last year, we buried him next to her. I’m pretty sure I was the only person in town who grieved his death.”  
“How did he die?”  
“He was trying to apprehend a suspect on his own, and the guy bashed his skull in with a baseball bat.”  
“That is a shit way to go.”  
“Yeah…Understatement of the century.”

We put everything back in the shoebox and I say:  
“So…Why the name change? Why don’t your parents know where you are?”  
“It’s a long story, baby. Can we talk about it another time?”  
“Yeah…I guess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short version of this chapter for those who didn't want to read it: Veronica was 25 weeks pregnant with a little girl when Aaron tried to kill her. The baby didn't survive the attack. Her name is Angelica and she's buried in the cemetery in Neptune next to Lamb.


	4. Four

I move to walk away from him and he wraps his arm around my waist and says:  
“What else happened while I was gone, baby?”  
I laugh bitterly and say:  
“It’s a long story.”  
“You tell me, I’ll tell you?”

My phone rings and I see it’s Dick, so I answer it:  
“Hey, babe.”  
“Are you coming home at some point? We came all this way.”  
“You are very demanding. Yeah. I’m coming home.”  
“Is he coming with you?”  
“He who, Dick?”  
“Norris.”  
“His name is Juice.”  
“I’ve gotta hear that story.”  
“Yeah…me too, love.”  
“What have you been talking about? You seem off.”  
“Angelica.”  
“Well, yeah…That’ll do it. Come home, Ronnie.”  
“I’ll be home soon.”  
I hang up and put my phone down on the table. Juice looks at me and says:  
“You’re dating Dick?”  
“What? No.”  
“You called him babe and love.”  
“Yeah…Somehow in the past year and a half, Dick has become my best friend…I mean, aside from Wallace and Mac.”  
“How the fuck did that happen?”  
“He grew up. He’s a good guy.”  
“Dick…Dick Casablancas?”  
“Yes. I can’t explain it to you. You weren’t there. You didn’t live through everything.”  
“Try. Tell me what happened.”  
“Fine. Let’s sit somewhere comfortable.”

We move over to the couch and sit down holding hands.  
“I’m just going to give you the cliff notes version. It’s just too much…”  
“Okay.”  
“Aaron Echolls tried to kill me, that same night the PCHers jumped Logan and Felix ended up dead, Logan was arrested for murder, Logan was cleared of murder, the 09ers and the PCHers engaged in an all-out war for months…during which a shotgun was fired into Logan’s car while he and I were inside, there was a school bus crash and a bunch of kids died including eventually Meg, I helped Duncan kidnap his and Meg’s baby, Weevil got kicked out of the PCHers, Weevil got arrested for Thumper’s murder at graduation, I found out that Cassidy Casablancas is the one who caused the bus crash and raped me at Shelly’s party…then Cassidy killed himself. That was graduation night. First-year at Hearst revolved around a campus rapist who eventually attacked me…I fought back and stabbed him with a ceramic unicorn. The dean was murdered and I figured out who did it, Lamb was killed, I pissed off a secret society and Jake Kane causing Dad to lose the sheriff election…I fled Neptune.”  
“And since being at Stanford?”  
“I vowed to live a normal life. Stopped investigating things, I’ve kept my PI licence active so I can keep my concealed carry permit, but I don’t actually work as a PI anymore. I dated Leo for a while when I first came here…it was not a healthy relationship and it didn’t end well. Marcus actually threatened to kill him if he came back. Since then I haven’t dated anyone.”  
“When did you break up?”  
“Christmas last year.”  
“So you haven’t been with anyone since then?”  
“Did I say that? No. I said I haven’t dated anyone. Not that I haven’t fucked anyone.”  
“Oh.”  
“Don’t look at me like that. I am fully aware of crow-eaters.”  
“Well…yeah…Just the thought of someone else touching you makes me really angry.”  
“Deal with it. You left me, remember?”

I stand up and collect my things before I say:  
“I have to go home. Dick and Mac drove out from Neptune to see me last night and aside from sleeping, I haven’t spent any time with them.”  
“When can I see you again?”  
I walk back over to him and put my stuff back down before straddling his lap and kissing him. I moan against his lips when he deepens the kiss, and by the time we separate we both have tears in our eyes.  
“Mac and Dick are leaving tomorrow morning. Come over in the afternoon.”  
“I love you, Veronica. I’ve always loved you.”  
“I tried really hard to not love you.”  
“Did you succeed?”  
“Not even for a second. I have never not loved you.”  
“I’m sorry I wasn’t with you when we lost Angelica. I’m sorry, baby…I’m so sorry.”  
“You’ll explain that tomorrow right? Where you disappeared to? The name change? Why your parents don’t know where you are?”  
“I promise.”

I stand up again and as I’m reaching for my things, the clubhouse door opens and the guys all walk in accompanied by someone who could only be Opie. He’s hairier than the pictures Donna has of him on the walls, but his eyes are the same. I grin when he looks at me and says:  
“You’re new.”  
“Less new than you’d think, Ope.”  
“Holy shit. Veronica!”  
“Nice to finally see you in person. You are much taller than I expected.”  
“I think it’s just that you’re short…Are you shorter than Donna?”  
“Yes…Ellie’s going to be taller than me any day now…Shut it, Sasquatch.”

Jax says:  
“Okay…A: how do you two know each other? And B: she’s Juice’s girl, Ope.”  
“She babysits my kids, Jax. Has for over a year. When I call to talk to them before bed, Ronnie and I chat. She’s clever and funny.”

I say:  
“And he distracts me from the pile of schoolwork I bring to work on after the kids go to bed.”  
“Pile of schoolwork?”  
“Uh…yeah. I’m a double major. Psychology and Criminology.”  
“That seems like a lot. How do you keep your grades up?”  
“I bust my ass. I have a 4.3 GPA…That’s A+’s in all my classes. Speaking of which, I have a paper that I should be working on.”

I pick my stuff up and walk towards the door, pausing at Opie to give him a hug before leaving.

As I walk out the door, Jax says:  
“Wait. You babysit for Mayans and Sons?”  
“And One-Niners, and civilians…I told you. A girl’s gotta eat, and if I don’t want to use my PI licence, my options are excessive babysitting or porn.”  
“Those can’t possibly be the only options.”  
“Have you tried to rent an apartment anywhere near Stanford lately?”  
“Fair point. You could just move here.”  
“And commute ninety minutes each way? That’ll be fun when I start law school and am in class or court for twelve-plus hours a day.”

He makes a face like he wants to say something, but my phone rings. When I look at the caller ID, I lean against the doorframe and answer it.  
“Hi, Mrs. Clayton.”  
“Hi, Sweetheart. Have you seen or heard from Norris?”  
I close my eyes and take a deep breath before saying:  
“No. I haven’t seen or heard from Norris.”  
“You’ll let us know if you do, right, sweetheart?”  
“Of course. What’s going on?”  
“Nothing I want to tell you over the phone. When are you coming home next?”  
“I’ll be there next weekend. Dad and Alicia are having some big family dinner thing and have demanded my presence…Plus, it would have been Angelica’s birthday, so I want to go to the cemetery.”  
“Let me know when you’ll be there. I’ll join you.”  
“Okay. I’d like that.”  
“We love you, Veronica.”  
“I love you too.”  
I hang up and step back inside the clubhouse, looking at Juice before saying:  
“If she calls me again, I’m not lying to her. So figure your shit out. I’m seeing them both next weekend for what would have been our daughter’s birthday. Don’t make me lie to their faces.”

I turn around and walk away, not stopping when Jax and Juice say my name. It’s only when I’m grabbed from behind and pulled into someone’s arms that I stop moving and start crying.  
“Shh…It’s okay. He’ll explain everything to you. It’ll be okay.”  
“It’s not…She took care of me after Angelica died. She made sure I ate, and she watched to make sure I didn’t kill myself…which I so wanted to do. I can’t lie to her. It hurts.”  
“Come over tonight. Spend some time with Donna and the kids.”  
“I would take you up on that, but Dick and Mac are here.”  
“Do you need someone to drive you home?”  
“No. I’ll be fine, Opie.”  
“Call one of us when you get home.”  
“Yes, sir.”  
He lets me go and I get in the car to drive home.


	5. Five

When I get home, Dick and Mac are sitting on the couch, curled up next to each other. Mac starts to move and I wave my hand at her and say:  
“I know you guys are dating. You don’t have to hide it from me.”  
“How?”  
“Mackie…I know you like I know my own mind. Prior to a few months ago you balked at the idea of being alone with Dick. Now you guys are together all the time.”  
“It still feels weird…Like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

I sit down on the other side of her and curl into her before whispering in her ear:  
“Dick is not Cassidy. Cassidy was damaged and he coped with that by hurting other people. Dick would never do that to you.”  
“I know…I just…”  
“I know.”

We sit there quietly for a bit, Dick reaching around Mac’s shoulders to play with my hair as I rest my head on Mac’s arm.  
“I love you guys, you know that, right?”  
Dick says:  
“Yeah, Ronnie. We know. You want to talk about Norris now?”  
“I don’t know what to do. Part of me feels like I should just take Jake up on his offer to buy me a place and pay my living expenses. Change my name, move into a nicer neighbourhood, stop babysitting…Just hide.”  
“But the rest of you?”  
“I love him. I’ve always loved him.”  
“He left you, Ronnie. He broke your heart and left you.”  
“We’ve all made awful mistakes that hurt people, Dick.”  
“Yeah, but some of us have tried to make up for that. He hasn’t.”  
“Clearly there’s a reason he left. Why he stayed gone.”  
“Has he explained it? Or did he just say it was a long story?”  
“Long story.”  
“And let me guess, when you talked about your past…about the guys you’ve dated, he got irritated. But he just expects you to accept that he’s been with other people. Which of course you do, because you weren’t together…”  
“Dick…”  
“I’m sorry, Ronnie, but the first time you saw him after being apart for three and a half years he slammed you into a wall. You aren’t safe with him.”  
“We don’t know why he did that.”  
“We know it happened. And that it gave you a Mercer flashback. I know you were crying in your sleep last night. Whimpering and begging Mercer not to hurt you…And as soon as I got you calmed down from that dream you were crying again…About Norris and Angelica. I think you should turn tail and run, baby. Cut all ties with the Sons and the Mayans…except Weevil, of course.”  
“That means not babysitting Ellie and Kenny. Not spending time with Donna…Not babysitting Marcus’s kids…”  
“Take Jake up on his offer. Cut ties. Forget you ever met this new version of Norris. Forget Charming.”  
“Do you understand Jake’s offer? He’s not doing this out of the goodness of his heart. He wants something in return.”  
“So he wants to fuck you one weekend a month. So what?”  
“So…In your mind, it would be better for me to be Lilly’s and Duncan’s Dad’s sugar-baby than to give Juice a chance? Keep in mind that Jake was literally fucking my Mom until a couple of years ago.”  
“When you phrase it like that it sounds skeezy.”  
“It is!”  
“Mac, back me up here. She should stay away from the Sons.”

Mac stands up and sits down on the coffee table facing us before saying:  
“Neither of you is wrong. Jake’s offer makes my skin crawl, and I’m not even the one who would have to fuck him. But…the Sons aren’t safe. It was fine when it was just that you were babysitting Ellie and Kenny because you weren’t around the actual club…But…Aside from the obvious issues of him slamming you into a wall, you know he’s out there doing bad things. You know the Sons kill people. You know they run guns for the fucking IRA. Bond…you’re smarter than this.”

Dick says:  
“What about the other offer on the table?”  
“I’m not getting back together with Logan.”  
“Not the offer I meant. Luann offered you a job…To replace Ima, right?”  
“Porn? You are suggesting that I do porn?”  
“It would give you more income. You could change your name, move to a different apartment…It would solve the Jake issue and the Juice issue.”  
“Even if I take Luann’s offer, I can’t afford to move right now.”  
“I’ll pay for your moving costs. I’ll go rent a place today. I’ll pay the rent for six months while you get on your feet.”  
“You really don’t want me with him, huh?”  
“He hurt you…He broke you. He accomplished with one sentence what Logan tried and failed to do for a year. And then last night he scared you. Made you relive things you had finally set aside. All I care about is you. If I thought that this would be a good relationship for you, I would push you to it…But your last relationship was with a jackass who liked to play out his own rape fantasies with his girlfriend, the rape survivor…I just don’t want you to get hurt again.”

I look at Mac and say:  
“What should I do?”  
“Call Luann. I’ll start packing your stuff. We’ll get you moved before we leave tomorrow.”  
“Really?”  
“Yes, love.”  
“So I don’t even give him a chance to try to explain?”  
“Baby, if he comes over to explain anything, you will fuck him…Then you won’t be able to say goodbye. Better to cut ties from a distance.”  
“You’re right, you’re right. I know you’re right.”

I pull my phone out of my purse and see that I have a message from an unknown number:  
‘You were supposed to call when you got home. I see your car in your lot, so I assume you just forgot. Can I come in? -Juice.’  
‘I did forget. But no. You can’t.’  
‘I knew Dick and Mac too, you know. I can make conversation.’  
‘We’re busy.’  
‘Okay…We’re still on for tomorrow though, right?’  
‘No. I don’t think I can do this.’  
‘I’m coming up.’  
‘If you do, I’ll call the police. Just go back to Charming.’  
‘Veronica, please.’  
‘Don’t message me again, Juice.’

I dial Luann’s number and wait for her to answer.  
“Veronica. How are you, sweetheart?”  
“Hi, Luann. I’m not great, actually. I was wondering if that offer to replace Ima in the Saffron Sisters was still good?”  
“Yes. Of course, it is.”  
“And you can work around my class schedule?”  
“I’ll take you whenever I can get you, baby. We’ll make it work. You want the job?”  
“Yes. Please.”  
“Can you come in tonight to sign the paperwork?”  
“Yeah. Can I use a stage name? I don’t want my Dad to see.”  
“Of course. What name do you want to use? I’ll add it to your paperwork.”  
“Lilly Belle. L-I-L-L-Y B-E-L-L-E.”  
“I can work with that. See you in a bit?”  
“Yeah. Thanks, Luann.”  
I hang up and say:  
“I have to go sign paperwork. Am I really doing this?”

They both look at each other and then at me and say:  
“Yes.”  
“Fine. Dick, can you rent the apartment in your name? Then I don’t need to worry about changing my name immediately.”  
“Yup.”  
“Thanks. I’m going to go see Luann.”

I grab my purse and leave the apartment.


	6. Six

When I get down to the parking lot, I see someone leaning against my car. I brace myself, expecting it to be Juice, but it’s Jax.  
“What?”  
“Veronica…give him a chance to explain.”  
“No. Move away from my car, please.”  
“You seemed fine earlier…At least until his Mom called. You love him.”  
“Yes. I do. But he broke me and then left me. I can’t do this. I didn’t want to talk to him tonight, and I certainly don’t want to talk to you. Please move. I have somewhere I need to be.”  
“Yeah…Opie said you would be pissed at us for showing up.”  
“You should have listened to him.”

He moves away from the car and allows me to get in, but then he stands between the open door and the car so I can’t close it. He grabs my chin and makes me look at him before he says:  
“He loves you.”  
“It doesn’t matter.”  
“Yes, it does.”  
“Why are you so invested in this? It has nothing to do with you.”  
“He’s my brother. Regardless of anything else, club members are brothers.”  
“So? Brotherhood isn’t everything.”  
“Yes. It is.”  
“Well, then I hope you will be there for him when he realizes that I’m not coming back.”  
“What do you mean, not coming back?”  
“I can’t do this, Jax. The boy I loved was sweet and mostly gentle. He protected me…That’s not Juice. It’s better if I just accept that now, and move on.”  
“Juice is the sweetest of us.”  
“That’s unfortunate because the first thing he did after not seeing me for over three years was to slam me into a wall. I’m not doing this. I’m not getting involved with someone who is part of an MC. You’re not good guys. You do bad things. Please…leave me alone.”

He lets me go and steps out of the way of the door. I close the door and start the car, pulling out of the lot with him staring at me.

When I get to Luann’s I find her and Lyla in her office. Lyla stands up and hugs me before saying:  
“You sure about this honey? Isn’t there a risk of it being thrown in your face when you’re a lawyer?”  
“There is that risk, but I already have a sex tape circulating the internet, so…meh.”

Luann says:  
“Here’s your paperwork, including how much you’ll be paid per shoot, along with residuals from sales of your videos.”  
“And it’s just girl-on-girl, right?”  
“For now. If you decide you want to change that, you could make a bit more money.”  
“How much more?”  
“A significant amount.”  
“I won’t do rape scenes.”  
“For obvious reasons, love. I understand.”

I look at Lyla and say:  
“You do both, right?”  
“Yeah. It’s not bad, love…Also, if you sign on for both we can expand the Saffron Sisters brand.”

I look at Luann and say:  
“Amend the paperwork.”  
“Excellent. You ready to do a film test? You’ll be paid for it of course.”  
“Yeah. Let’s do it.”

Luann quickly amends the paperwork and I sign it, then Lyla and I take our clothes off. Lyla says:  
“Just relax. Tonight’s just to make sure we look good together, and then Luann will figure out if one of us needs to change their hair or something.”  
“So, basically, without a director, we’re just fucking on camera tonight?”  
“Yup. I’ll get you off, you get me off.”  
“Sounds good to me.”

Luann says:  
“Hair down and come over here.”

I take my braid out and shake my hair, letting the long, blonde waves cascade down my back as I walk over to Luann. She runs her hands over my body, taking mental measurements before she says:  
“Softer than Lyla, but tiny and strong. I knew you were a good choice.”  
“Do I need to change my workout routine?”  
“What do you currently do?”  
“I run and take a barre fitness class once a week.”  
“You’re good…Less alcohol, maybe?”  
“Can do.”  
“Do you want to cover this tattoo for shoots?”  
“No. It’s just a tattoo. If it doesn’t bother you, it doesn’t bother me.”  
“Okay. Let’s get something on film.”

When we’re done, Luann says:  
“I want to take a couple of promotional photos. Lyla, sit on the bed with your legs spread, knees partially up. Veronica, sit between her legs with your legs bent over hers, yeah, facing her. Lyla, grab her hair and twist it towards her left shoulder. Veronica lean forward so I can see Lyla’s face over your right shoulder, Lyla, wrap your arm that isn’t holding the hair around Veronica, put your hand on her lower back. Yeah. Just like that. Now, Veronica, turn around so you’re facing the camera. I want your legs over Lyla’s legs so your pussy is visible, and I want you to lean back against Lyla’s chest. Lyla, I want one of your hands on Veronica’s pussy, I’m thinking just rubbing her clit, then your other hand on her breast. Veronica, tip your head back a little and turn to face Lyla and kiss her. Good, girls. I think we’re done for tonight.”

We get up and get dressed, then Luann says:  
“Veronica, email me your class schedule and we’ll come up with a filming schedule, okay?”  
“Okay. Thanks, Luann.”

When I pull into my parking lot at home, my phone rings, it’s Donna’s home number, so I answer.  
“Hello?”  
“It’s Opie. You’re a Saffron Sister now?”  
“Luann sent out the promotional photos already, huh?”  
“Yeah…Lilly Belle.”  
“It’s a job. Speaking of which, I can’t babysit the kids anymore.”  
“Jax was right…you’re not coming back.”  
“Well, that is what I told him, yeah.”  
“Veronica…Don’t do this. You don’t know why he did what he did.”  
“It doesn’t matter why. I don’t want to be involved in the club. I don’t want to be involved with a club member. I just want to be left alone.”  
I hang up and walk inside. 

When I get into the apartment Dick, Mac, and Weevil are packing.   
“Should I assume you found an apartment?”  
“Yeah, I just bought one. You can rent it from me. I accept cash or sexual favours.”  
“Oh yeah? And how does your girlfriend feel about me providing you with sexual favours in exchange for an apartment?”  
Mac laughs and says:  
“I also accept sexual favours.”  
“So I pay rent to him in sexual favours and give you sexual favours so you don’t kill me for fucking him?”  
“Sounds about right to me.”  
“Deal. Can I save time and just fuck you both at once?”  
Dick nods enthusiastically and says:  
“Yes, please.”  
Mac says:  
“I’m fine with this arrangement, as long as I get special attention.”  
“Oh, you will. You taste delicious if I remember correctly.”  
Weevil says:  
“I feel like I’m being left out of what seems to be a pretty good deal.”  
“Aww…Poor Weevil. How about this? One sexual favour of your choice for helping me move, because we all know I can’t afford to pay you.”  
“I accept this.”  
“Of course you do.”

Six months after I move, I get a call in the middle of the night from Donna’s home number.   
“Hello?”  
“It’s Opie…Can you come over?”  
“Now? It’s the middle of the night.”  
“Donna’s dead.”  
“What?”  
“They shot her in the head…Please, Veronica. I just need a friend that isn’t connected to what got her killed.”  
“I’ll be right there.”  
I hang up and Mac sits up on the other side of Dick and says:  
“What’s going on?”  
“That was Opie. Donna’s dead. I have to go to Charming.”  
“Want me to come with you?”  
“No. Sleep. I think we’ve only been in bed for like an hour. I’m fine.”

I get up and get dressed before leaving the apartment. An hour after I leave home, I’m pulling into Opie’s driveway. I use the spare key that’s hidden outside and let myself in. When I don’t find him in the living room, I walk into his and Donna’s room. 

I find him sitting on the edge of the bed with his face in his hands. I walk over to him and put my hands on his head, gently running my fingers through his hair.  
“How can I help, Ope?”  
“You’re doing it…Thank you for coming.”  
“I don’t want to be involved with the club, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t my friend.”  
“Will you stay and just hold me?”  
“Yeah.”

I step back to put my purse down and take my shoes off and he lies down on his back on the bed. I lie down next to him with my head on his chest, tucked up under his chin. I wrap my arm across his waist and say:  
“Try to get some sleep, Ope. The kids will be up soon.”  
“I think they were trying to kill me.”  
“I know.”  
“I got her killed.”  
“No. Someone’s screw up got her killed.”  
“I should be the one that’s dead.”  
“You can’t possibly expect me to agree to that. I don’t think either of you should be gone. You need to stay strong for those kids, Ope. You can’t shut down on them. Please.”  
“Don’t disappear on us again. The kids and I need you.”  
“Go to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.”

The next morning I’m in the kitchen with the kids making them pancakes for breakfast when some of the guys show up, including Jax and Juice.   
“Opie’s still asleep, guys.”  
Jax looks at me and says:  
“I thought you wanted nothing to do with the club.”  
“Yeah…I’m here because my friend is dead. Her kids and husband needed me. It has nothing to do with the club.”

I look at the kids and say:  
“Eat, babies.”  
“Yes, Ronnie.”

My phone rings next to Kenny and he presses the button to answer it on speaker.  
“Ronnie’s phone.”  
“Kenny, baby…is that you? It’s Aunty Luann. Is Ronnie there?”  
“Hi, Aunty Luann. She’s standing here.”  
“Hey, Luann.”  
“I was afraid you were there. How much sleep did you get last night?”  
“An hour before I left home, and maybe an hour here?”  
“We’ll push your scenes to tomorrow. Please, please get some sleep tonight?”  
“Yeah. I will.”  
“Oh, and V? Don’t even think about it. The man’s a giant.”  
“I’ll try to control myself.”  
“Yeah. You do that.”  
I reach over and hang up the phone, shaking my head.  
“Aunty Luann is insane.”  
Kenny and Ellie both nod and say:  
“Yes.”

I walk out of the kitchen towards the bedroom and Juice follows me, grabbing my arm before I get there.  
“Did you fuck him?”  
“Are you insane? His wife was murdered last night. No, I did not fuck him. I held him while he cried and I tried to get him to get some fucking sleep.”  
He pulls me towards himself and kisses me. I wrap my free arm around his neck, running my nails over his scalp before I pull him into the bathroom with me, closing the door behind us. He lets go of my arm and reaches under the hem of my dress to pull my panties down. As I step out of them, he undoes his pants and pushes them down before picking me up and sliding into me. I gasp and sob against his mouth.  
“Gentle, Juice. Don’t fuck me. Love me.”

He turns us around and kneels down on the floor with me in his lap. I move slowly against him, our foreheads pressed together.  
“Be mine, Veronica. I know I fucked up. I know I hurt you. I know you don’t want to be involved in the club. But I love you. I need you with me. Please. Be mine.”  
“I’m not quitting my job, Juice.”  
“I don’t expect you to. I think it’s hot that you’re a porn star…I’m a big fan of your work.”  
“I pay my rent with one weekend of sex a month…Dick is my landlord. The sex is with him and Mac.”  
“Think they’d let me join in?”  
“You’re taking all this in stride.”  
“I just want you. Whatever I need to accept or embrace to make that happen, I will.”  
“I love you. I’ve always loved you.”  
"Be mine."  
"I've always been yours."


End file.
